Live From Las Vegas
Happy birthday to me... Happy birthday to me... Happy birthday to me...
It was birthday fun all round. There was cake, there were balloons, there was jelly (and I'm not talking about the stuff in my pants... because the doctor gave me pills for that and it's clearing up); birthday joy was had by all. "Who's this one from?" I asked, referring to a neatly wrapped blue box adorned with a ribbon and no indication of who it was from. When no response met my inquiry I shrugged and set about opening the package. It was so carefully wrapped and sealed that it took me the best part of four hours to open, cracking my fingernails and cutting my hands to shreds in the process. When finally the present was open a horrible smell was released from the box. I hesitated to look in. What I saw in there was some kind of sea pig, gasping for breath and dying in the open air. Its movements were slow and alien. I could hear a sound coming from its little mouth. It sounded like little more than a moan but for some strange reason I thought I could make something out of it. I leaned in closer till my face was but an inch from the creature’s dry crusty mouth. Then I heard it speak to me: "you beauty".12:00 - 13:00